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When It Seems Like Dating Is Going Nowhere

Tabitha Naylor : April 17, 2014 9:00 am : Online Dating

the-very-first-kiss-456264-mIt can be frustrating and disheartening to be engaged in a search for companionship, only to constantly turn up duds. There are lots of reasons for why you might be constantly meeting Mr. Wrong when you’re desperately searching for Mr. Right, but the good news is that there are definitely steps that you can take to help steer yourself in the direction of love.

Re-evaluate Your Goals

What is that you are looking for exactly? Are you looking for a nice guy or gal to spend some time with or are you ready to get a ring on your finger? If you are set on the latter, make sure that you aren’t rushing things. When most people date, it isn’t with the expectation that they’re going to be married in a few months’ time. As much as you might be ready to settle down and end the dating game, it’s imperative that you take your time to ensure that you meet and get to know the man or woman who you may end up spending the rest of your life with.

Let Others Know What You Want

Once you’ve determined what it is you are looking for, you need to let others know. However, this doesn’t mean that you should start discussing marriage vows on a first date. What it means is that you should update your dating profile to say, “Looking for fun,” “looking for a long-term relationship” or whatever it is that you are looking for in a relationship. This important step will go a long way in weeding out potential suitors who have different goals than your own.

Consider What You Want In a Partner

Most people would agree that when looking for a partner, they want someone who is good-looking and well off. However, beauty is only skin-deep and a person’s career is only one aspect of their life. What else do you want in a partner? Do you want to meet someone who likes to travel? Someone who aspires to open a restaurant one day? Someone who wants kids? Someone who doesn’t? Human beings have so many different facets, and if you only focus on one or two of them, you are sure to find yourself frustrated and wondering why things don’t just “work.”

Look In the Right Places

If you watch television, you know that hooking up with people at a bar is a popular way of meeting someone new. But what if you don’t like to go to bars, or worse, don’t even like to drink? Forcing yourself to go out to places like this to meet people who do like those things is only going to lead to disappoint later when you find that you can’t find much common ground with the other person. So, rather than go to the wrong places, try going to the “right” places; that is, the places and activities that you enjoy. As a dog lover, your prime meeting places are dog parks, pet stores and websites like www.youmustlovedogsdating.com

Dating is not a science, and there are no hard and fast rules on how the person who will eventually become Mr. or Mrs. Right. There are, though, several ways to maximize your chances that your dating encounters will be more pleasant and fulfilling ones.

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Bailing On A Date

Tabitha Naylor : April 15, 2014 8:00 am : Online Dating

diary-page-550929-mAs much as you’d like to think that every online dating experience will be a wonderful one, there will come times when all you can think is, “how do I get out of this?!” The ah-ha moment might come soon after meeting the new person, while other times, it might hit you after a few dates. Whenever it occurs, it is sure to fill you with a mixture of dread, disappointment and a frantic need to GET OUT NOW.

While it might be instinctive to simply cut off all contact with someone you no longer want to be around, this isn’t always the smartest or fairest move. Think about it: would you want someone to suddenly end all contact with you with no explanation for why? Especially if you thought things were going relatively okay?

The best course of action would be to simply be honest. However, it’s not easy to say to someone, “I’m just not interested in you or this relationship anymore.” Something like that is especially difficult right before a big event or even in the middle of a date. So, how do you handle it? Consider the following situations and advice:

Right Before a Big Event

If you and your date have been planning on a big event, such as going to concert or taking a vacation, you need to inform your date of the cancelation as soon as possible. This will give your date time to make alternate plans, and if possible, to seek reimbursement for some of their expenses. If you wait too long, the right thing to do would be to offer to pay for all or at least half the expenses. After canceling, let your date know that you want to take a break from the relationship. After you are certain that there is no chance of reconciliation, make sure to pass that information forward.

Before A Date

Dates are more informal than events and there are generally no big costs involved, so canceling at the last moment is usually less severe. No doubt, you will be hurting the other person’s feelings, but it is better than having to sit through a dinner or movie where you want to be anywhere but there – and having your date have to see that. The best way to handle this situation is to cancel the date; there is no need for dramatics or long stories. Simply tell your date that you are sorry, but something has come up. When you check back in with each other a couple of days later, that is the time to explain that you want to take some time for yourself and end the relationship.

In The Middle Of a Date

The hardest time to bail on a date, by far, is when you are smack dab in the middle of one. Perhaps things have been going fine for weeks, and suddenly your date does something that is reprehensible and unforgivable. Or maybe this is a first date, and you have suffered through half of it and simply cannot go on. While you may be tempted to say, “I need to use the restroom; I’ll be right back!” and make a quick exit, this is not the proper way to handle the situation. In the event you date has behaved in a way you cannot withstand, calmly explain that you need to end the date, offer to pay for your portion of dinner and leave. Do not make a scene, do not raise your voice and do not attempt to “talk things through” in the middle of the restaurant. If you are just not having a good time, but your date isn’t necessarily at fault – perhaps you two just don’t “click” – soldier on through the date, and when it comes time to make plans for the next get-together, politely refuse.

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Say Cheese!

Tabitha Naylor : April 10, 2014 8:00 am : Online Dating

evocacion-797925-mHave you noticed that you’re drawn more to profiles that include a photo of the person you are corresponding with? Well you’re not alone. Profiles that contain pictures are much more popular than those without. Here are a few things to consider as you find the perfect picture to post for all to see.

No Promises – Just do It

A photo of any kind is always better for your profile. Don’t promise to send one if someone decides to talk to you. Besides being a bit tacky, you make people wonder what you are hiding. If you have a photo then just post it, you really have nothing to lose.

No Ex’s Please

Try not to post pictures of you and another person, even if that person is just your brother or sister. The first impression people come up with is you are posting a picture of you and your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. You give the impression that you are on the rebound. Post pictures of you and your dog for the best results. This is a dog-lover dating site after all.

Sharp, Clear and Real

One of the biggest let downs is a picture you can’t really see. Post a picture that has good lighting. You want a crisp picture that the interested party can actually see what you look like. Glamour shots are great but they don’t really show the natural you. So try for pictures that show you in everyday situations. You also want to post one that is current.

Close Photoshop

Ladies, eventually the person you have been talking to is going to see the real you so there is no reason to alter your pictures with Photoshop. Guy want to see the real you. They really don’t like surprises or fakes. You have nothing to hide so just be yourself. You look great so get over the need to fix what you look like.

Hats and Shades

Hiding behind sunglasses or under the brim of your hat is not the way to go. Let people see those baby blues and that great smile. If you have a great basketball shot, go ahead and post it but make sure you also add a photo where they can see details as well.

Put that shirt on

Guys, no need to show off the body, put your shirts back on. You can show off your muscles later but for your profile, just be natural and dressed. Taking the shirt off can come across as arrogant or desperate and if it’s not a good shot it can turn the ladies off all together.

No Hiding

Ladies, stop cropping your body out of all the pictures. This is also taken as you have something to hide or it shows a lack of self-confidence. So make sure at least one of your online pictures shows all of you from head to toe. Just breathe and go for it.

The most important thing to remember is to be yourself. Don’t hide and don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. People want to see the real you. Try it. You’ll be surprised with the results.

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My Dog – It’s Gone! What Now?

Tabitha Naylor : April 8, 2014 8:00 am : Online Dating

lost dogYou let your dog out in the fenced yard like you do every morning. You go to let them in, and they’re gone. Panic sets in and the scrambling starts. You start walking through the neighborhood looking and if you’re lucky, your dog hasn’t gotten very far and you find it. But after hours of walking or driving around with no luck, what do you do? Don’t give up hope; there are ways to track down your lost partner.

For Chipped Dogs

If your dog has a microchip, call the recovery hotline for that chip. Most of the microchips are either Home Again or AVID. Both have a 24-hour service for lost and found pets. When you call, have your dog’s ID number handy: it’s the first thing they will ask for.

Make and Distribute Flyers

Using a picture of your dog, make a simple flyer with a picture of the dog, a bit about them, and at least one way to contact you, such as a phone number and email address. You can add a small reward, too. Make the print big. People need to be able to see it from their cars. Once created, do the following:

  • Make copies at least 30
  • Buy a package of sheet protectors and a roll of duct tape
  • At EVERY intersection close to your home, post a flyer, in a sheet protector, and make sure you post on all corners so you can catch drivers coming and going in any direction. Remember where you post them so you can retrieve them when your dog is home safe.
  • If you have stores nearby with bulletin boards, post a flyer there
  • Drop off a copy at the local police department
  • Take a copy to the local animal shelter
  • Give a copy to neighbors
  • Use the Internet

There are a number of places on the internet to post that your dog is missing. Petfinders.com is a good place to start. They post to places like Facebook and get the exposure out there. You can also post to Facebook, as well. If you post to groups, look for ones that are made up of people from your local area.

Once the Word is Out There

Now comes the hardest part: waiting. Make sure to put food and water outside somewhere your dog can get to easily if he or she tries to come home on their own. Call the shelter and animal control a few times a day to check in to see if anyone has brought in a stray. It’s important to keep checking, especially if your dog is not chipped, collared or tagged.

The faster you get the word out the dog is missing, the better your chances of finding him. It’s a very upsetting and frustrating situation to be in, but don’t get caught up in self-blame or guilt. Just get to work hunting them down and bringing your dog home safe. Once your dog is found, don’t forget to go back out and take down all search flyers, and let places like the police department know the animal has been recovered.

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You’re Just Not That In To Them

Tabitha Naylor : April 3, 2014 8:00 am : Online Dating

happinessAs scary as the thought of being “forever alone” is, the thought of being stuck with someone you don’t particularly like is even scarier. At least alone, it is YOU who controls your happiness. When you are attached to someone you don’t want to be with, you allow THEM the power to make you unhappy.

It’s a fact of life that you will not get along with every single person that you meet. That doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you – or with them. It just means that your ideals, values and way of looking at the world are different enough that compatibility is low. Usually, not caring much for another person doesn’t affect your day-to-day living. If it’s someone from your job that you don’t like, you simply avoid them. If you don’t care for a cashier at the grocery store, you go at a different time or pick a different line.

However, things get a little more complicated when it comes to romantically sticking by someone you don’t like. You may think it’s crazy that anyone would stay partners with someone that they don’t like, but the truth is that it is quite easy to fall into this type of situation. Sometimes, you may think you know what someone is like, but it turns out you were wrong. This can happen because you didn’t really see a person for who they are; other times, it may be a case of a partner “pretending” to be someone else in order to gain affection. Either way, at some point, the façade falls, and you are left in a life with someone you don’t want to be with.

There are also instances of couples who have been together for many, many years, only to find themselves drifting apart later in life. This behavior also has its own unique causes, which might include one partner having a crisis of identity or one partner straying from the relationship.

No matter the reason one might find themselves stuck in a relationship with a person they are just not “in” to, it’s important to realize that there are only two ways to address the situation: stick it out or leave. Sticking it out isn’t to say that one must put up with a life that they aren’t satisfied with, but rather, staying in a relationship in the hopes that the partners can reconnect and find common ground.

In most cases, the best thing to do when you’re in a relationship with someone you aren’t passionate about it is to leave. This isn’t always easy. You may not like the idea of being the one who “dumps” the other. You may have already established a life with the other person, include marriage, a house or kids. Other times, you may think that being alone is worse than being stuck in an unhappy relationship. No matter your reasons, remember that you aren’t truly being fair to the other person if you’re going to spend your days pretending to like them, or worse, making it very clear that you don’t, but still refusing to leave.

Breakups are hard, but they are significantly easier when you’re honest with yourself and leave for the betterment of yourself and your former partner. You can always remain friendly with an ex; just because they aren’t the ideal romantic partner doesn’t mean that they can’t be a wonderful friend. And best, you allow both of you the opportunity to find someone who will be able to fully fill your heart with love.

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